It has been quite a while since I have put fingers to keyboard. 6 weeks ago my dad died suddenly from a stroke, since then I have been floundering in a dark world that makes no sense; I have a constant feeling that I just want to go home, but somehow I’m not able to make it.
Home is where the heart is and my heart is broken. I once read that having a broken heart is like having a broken rib, the pain is not visible to the outside world, but every breath hurts. Believe me it has hurt to breathe ever since…
The ironic thing in life is that when tragedy strikes you are faced with tough decisions and tasks when you are physically and emotionally least able to function. Initially my reaction can be summarized in these classic lines from W H Auden:
“The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good.”
Yet it has been in nature that I am beginning to find comfort. Dad was an incredibly talented gardener and I never fully understood the magic of the earth…until now. True, I got excited about the therapeutic properties of plants, I loved the beauty of meadows, shorelines, mountains and woods; but I never previously experienced the feeling succinctly summed up by Monty Don that “Earth heals me better than any medicine”.
Being left a garden to tend was the best gift of all; every single moment I spend there brings me closer to what I have lost, is a small tribute to the amazing man that he was; gaining what Rudolph Steiner would define as a “knowledge which blossoms like a flower in the depths of the individual soul. God, having vanished from the world, is reborn in the depths of the human heart”.
The mention of Rudolph Steiner brings me back to the reason for this blog, the healing power of products harvested biodynamically. And yes, Dr. Hauschka products are taking a small but important role in my recovery, of which I shall write in the upcoming blogs – but this one is just for you daddy x
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